I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
