Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
