There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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