Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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