Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize