He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
