i just wanna soil my oats bro
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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