think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
