mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
