Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
