I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
