so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
