Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize