We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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