Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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