I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize