I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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