I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
