capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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