I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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