it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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