that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
