Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
