My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You're a waste of cheezeits
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
