I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
