It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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