The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize