if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
