Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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