we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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