Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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