I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
