am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
