i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
