Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
