i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
