Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize