i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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