Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
