nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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