I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
