I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
