just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
