Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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