I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
