it was like his penis was on wheels.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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