her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
