She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize