Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
