problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Be still, my beating vagina.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
