it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize