you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
