lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
