I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
