these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
