Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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