i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize