i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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