I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
