Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize