shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
