If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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