you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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