Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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