I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
