Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
