OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
